Kid Bitter's Bullshitter

In the future, we will all be derp.

Holy Hell, Google

I just want to create a separate YouTube account for something that I want separate from other things, but no. I close out my old account and HEY HEY REMEMBER GOOGLE+? Well, that’s my YouTube account now. NO I CAN’T HAVE ANOTHER ACCOUNT. This is my one and only account now and the more I support Google, the more website they are going to buy to assimilate into a big mass of Google.

I want to love you so bad, Google. Why do you hurt me? I love Reader. I love Search. I love Reader so much that I put it before Search. I love Maps. I love you and you’re just like “Nah, fuck you. One account for you. That’s it. LALALALA CAN’T HEAR YOU, DON’T CARE.” 

I’m making my own tech startup. It’s called Loogie and I hope it never leaves your eyesight. Dicks. 

collegehumor:

Crazy R&B Drummer In Liverpool

Britain: making subway buskers look bad since 1776.

Nobody drops money in his hat for the first two minutes. I’d like to think there’s a crowd of people behind the camera, too awestruck to find money.

SOURCE: Scientists unable to understand emotional 13 year old. 

Elevator

The New Name

Nobody reads this. I already know that. That said, I hope to someday reach a point where I have an actual career that involves writing in some form or, if things go according to plan, many forms. Kid Bitter is the center piece of that. It’s my rap name. It’s my Twitter name. It’s a character. A persona that I haven’t actually used yet. It’s going to be a YouTube channel when I can be arsed to get rid of my old one.

The bullshit part is more important. 

I was once a young boy. I still am and anyone that believes they aren’t at the age of 21 might as well resign themselves to a career in canary watching because they have stuffed themselves so far up their own asses that the slightest twitch will send their entire rectum collapsing into itself. Regardless, I was a young boy and there was something that I didn’t want my father to know.

I can’t tell you what that something was. It was probably something to do with missed homework. I couldn’t tell you. What I can tell you is what my dad said. He looked at me and he said “You can’t bullshit a bullshitter”. He was trying to imply that I couldn’t bullshit him. What he didn’t realize was that he gave me a new life goal.

To become the ultimate bullshitter.

But that’s beside the point. You can’t bullshit a bullshitter. I don’t want to bullshit a single thing in my career. I want everything I get to come from hard work or whatever part of writing jokes or raps or acting like another person comes closest to actually being work. So, whether it’s my tumblr, my Twitter, my stand-up, my rap, my acting, my slacking, or my actions, they’re going to be mine. 

Whatever it is, I’m not going to bullshit that bullshit.

Daves I Know is one of those remnants of my childhood that I never forgot and probably one of the early reasons I started to like comedy. I still recall stumbling upon the Kids at 3am while staying at my grandparent’s house and going WHAT IS THIS AND WHY WASN’T I TAUGHT ABOUT IT IN SCHOOL?

So, I sincerely doubt anyone meaningful to my young humorless self would see this, but if they do, thanks.

(Source: youtube.com)

Just in case you wanted to know how flat Kenny G’s ass is.

The Two Types of People Who Listen to House Music

alexwatt:

1. Those who can afford more than one.
2. Those who still live in their parent’s.

jeffrubinjeffrubin:

“Winning the Game of School,” is one of the craziest Everything Is Terrible videos I’ve ever seen, and I’ve watched a lot of them. Usually I at least get a sense of why the video exists, but I honestly can’t wrap my brain around who thought this was material worth teaching.

Here’s a teaser - “There’s actually a fine art to raising your hand.”

Horrible hosts, horrible audience, but that boom mic’s got potential!

jeffrubinjeffrubin:

“Winning the Game of School,” is one of the craziest Everything Is Terrible videos I’ve ever seen, and I’ve watched a lot of them. Usually I at least get a sense of why the video exists, but I honestly can’t wrap my brain around who thought this was material worth teaching.

Here’s a teaser - “There’s actually a fine art to raising your hand.”

Horrible presenters, horrible audience, but that boom mic’s got potential!

jeffrubinjeffrubin:

“Winning the Game of School,” is one of the craziest Everything Is Terrible videos I’ve ever seen, and I’ve watched a lot of them. Usually I at least get a sense of why the video exists, but I honestly can’t wrap my brain around who thought this was material worth teaching.

Here’s a teaser - “There’s actually a fine art to raising your hand.”

Horrible presenters, horrible audience, but that boom mic’s got potential!

jeffrubinjeffrubin:

“Winning the Game of School,” is one of the craziest Everything Is Terrible videos I’ve ever seen, and I’ve watched a lot of them. Usually I at least get a sense of why the video exists, but I honestly can’t wrap my brain around who thought this was material worth teaching.

Here’s a teaser - “There’s actually a fine art to raising your hand.”

Horrible presenters, horrible audience, but that boom mic’s got potential!

Welp, that settles it. I don’t want to go to college anymore.

thedailywhat:

Life-Altering Mobile Espresso Maker of the Day: Love driving your car? Hate having to stop driving your car in order to grab an espresso? No longer! Introducing the Handpresso Auto.

“Just plug the espresso machine into the 12V cigarette lighter, add water and a E.S.E. coffee pod of your choice. Then press the button, wait for the 3 beeps and the espresso is ready!”

Classy as f*ck.

[likecool.]

Ladies and Gentlemen, the FreshLight.