Because I'm sparing myself from my own judgment.
Oh this is really cool.
It’s like I hit the jackpot and won a million anxieties.
I have spent a lot of time and energy in my life defending Chief Wahoo. In many ways, I love Chief Wahoo. It’s an image that reminds me of my youth, of my mom and dad taking my brother, sister, and I to a game every year. It reminds me of talking…
Agreed, not just for the reasons stated, but also for the debacle that would be the week after the decision. Knowing Cleveland, there would be extra respectful protests.
First time seeing the Browns and they win…I didn’t even get the full experience.
I should preface this by saying that I am aware of how paranoid and self-centered I can be.
So, I don’t know if I have to tell you this, but I’m pretty sure I’m weird. Sometimes, I blurt things out and people look at me like I just professed a love for drawing chalk dicks on playgrounds. I like pro wrestling, which is somewhere between childish and gay. I don’t care for the work of Adam Levine and liking Adam Levine is the most normal thing a person can do. So, I occasionally project that feeling onto other people.
If I’m walking down the street and someone laughs, it’s because I did something stupid. They could be looking in the opposite direction with their finger pointing at whatever they’re laughing at and I’ll be convinced that they were holding in their laughter while they came up with another thing to laugh at so they wouldn’t hurt my feelings. This makes it hard for me to meet people and make friends, especially in the last month I’ve spent living away from home for the first time.
There’s this one guy in my building who is always smiling and I’m convinced that it’s because he’s laughing at me. He’s a seemingly well-adjusted man of good nutrition and workout habits, so why wouldn’t he laugh at the out-of-shape mental wreck living down the hall from him? Without fail, he’s always smiling. That dick. Being happy and shit. Jerkoff.
Today, he gets on the elevator with this girl. I just want to do my laundry and this dickhead shows up with a girl to rub in the fact that I’m lonely and he’s not. The girl looks at me and says something, but I can’t hear her because I have my headphones in, so I pull them out. “No, not you,” she says, so I put them back in. “Hey, what do you think of this girl’s ass? Yes, you.” She points her iPhone at me and there’s a picture of a pale, single-pimpled ass shining at me.
the fuck, man?
I’m already certain that I’m a fucking weirdo. Don’t rub it in by assuming that I’m going to be all hunky dory with you showing me a picture of what I’m sure was a man’s ass. Fucking be normal. I don’t even know your name. Why am I face to face with someone’s asshole? Why the fuck do you have a picture of some random ass on your phone? Why am I weird one in this equation? Is it because you have a friend to have a giggle fit with when I look annoyed? So, if I have two friends to your one friend and we giggle when you look stupid, I win? Is that how life works? Obviously, I am absolutely dumbfounded by this entire…I can’t even call it a conversation. Encounter? Burden? I took my headphones out for you and you had nothing of worth to offer. Why do you exist?
I’m taking the stairs from now on. It doesn’t make much of a difference, but if someone in the stairwell shows me a picture of an ass, at least I can throw their phone down the stairs.
MY IDEAS ARE BETTER THAN YOURS
Couldn’t have asked for better seats. #ImpactLive
Cleveland Grays Armory. I came here and watched @WWEDanielBryan defend his ROH World Championship on five different occasions. Now, I live a few blocks away and I get to watch Daniel Bryan wrestle for the WWE Championship. Sometimes, life works out alright. Alt. Caption: “Cleveland Grays Armory: Where I Learned To Stop Worrying and Love Not Having A Girlfriend.”
A ticket for switching my hangtag a day early. I don’t even care if it’s for zero bucks. That just makes it condescending.
The view from my toilet
Crying at this sign from an old Sgt. Slaughter match.
The view from my bed
I’ve never been one for romanticism. It’s a process that forces me to cater to a woman’s needs and that makes me feel vulnerable, so no. With that said, I’m very lonely, so I decided to join the world of online dating. I’ve heard that a lot of these sites are filled with crazy people or try to charge you for little to no results, so I decided to join an upstart network with a select userbase.
Perfect. This is my story.
I answered the questionnaire as honestly as a bad boy can.
I fibbed a little bit on my age. What’s a year to the open-minded lady that I tend to attract? On the negative side, this website obviously wanted to invade my privacy and I can’t have that…or can I?
Enter, don’t mind if I do…it.
My picture with Daniel Bryan was apparently too hot to be a profile picture, so I settled on this.
I’ll let you know when the results come rolling in.