Placeholder from Procrastination: Archive

Online Dating

I’ve never been one for romanticism. It’s a process that forces me to cater to a woman’s needs and that makes me feel vulnerable, so no. With that said, I’m very lonely, so I decided to join the world of online dating. I’ve heard that a lot of these sites are filled with crazy people or try to charge you for little to no results, so I decided to join an upstart network with a select...

Feb 28th

Feb 27th

Fuzz

So many people come here looking for help. I can’t be helped. I want to help. Please don’t be like me. I’m getting ahead of myself. I’ve been a neat freak my entire life. I’ve been told I have OCD. I own three dusters, so it’s hard to disagree. It wasn’t bad enough to keep me from living a normal life. Generally, it didn’t bother me if something was unclean as long as it didn’t belong to me, but...

Feb 25th

Valentine's Day

To begin, I will tell you that I’m not about to reinvent the wheel. I’m going to talk about how dumb love is and how the Hallmark Card Company is more evil than Hitler harnessing Mothra to finish the Final Solution. If you’re looking for originality, get off the Internet and read a book. With that out of the way, Valentine’s Day is bullshit. I can’t believe I have to say that to anyone and hope...

Feb 15th

2 tags

Every guy fears dick cheese, but don’t ignore cheese dick: the result of peeing after eating Cheez-Its.

Jan 16th

1 tag

Jan 15th

Just heard “Jessica” by The Allman Brothers and for the next three days, repeatedly, in my head.

Jan 15th

1 note

1 tag

“How many times do I have to tell you you’re deaf?” - a blind guy

Jan 15th

To the guy that just pissed in an open stall instead of using one of the 4 free urinals: I don’t respect you but I admire you.

Jan 14th

I was late for my first class because I thought I had enough time to watch Bob’s Burgers. Also, I still wear Velcro shoes.

Jan 14th

1 tag

Are the Oakland A’s ever going to come out of their angsty phase?

Jan 14th

Jan 1st

234 notes

2012 Things to Do Before 2012 is Over

alexwatt: Blink a lot. I’m going to blink so hard I cry.

Jan 1st

9 notes

Dec 25th

221,587 notes

Oct 21st

2 tags

Oct 9th

5 tags

Sep 16th

Sep 15th

456 notes

Sep 3rd

3,957 notes

1 tag

What band do you want to see in concert?

Black Sabbath, Metallica, Daft Punk, Childish Gambino, or any formation of OFWGKTA. anything. Try to insult me and I will do so back. All in good fun unless I think you’re stupid.

Jul 11th

1 tag

Watch

Hardly Working: Phantom Misses Sarah (Part 1) “FLYING IS A MAN’S GAME.” It’s all downhill from here, Streeter. There’s no topping that.

Jul 4th

Jun 27th

594 notes

1 tag

Jun 24th

1 tag

May 17th

2 tags

Holy Hell, Google

I just want to create a separate YouTube account for something that I want separate from other things, but no. I close out my old account and HEY HEY REMEMBER GOOGLE+? Well, that’s my YouTube account now. NO I CAN’T HAVE ANOTHER ACCOUNT. This is my one and only account now and the more I support Google, the more website they are going to buy to assimilate into a big mass of Google. I...

May 16th

Watch

collegehumor: Crazy R&B Drummer In Liverpool Britain: making subway buskers look bad since 1776. Nobody drops money in his hat for the first two minutes. I’d like to think there’s a crowd of people behind the camera, too awestruck to find money.

May 12th

76 notes

3 tags

SOURCE: Scientists unable to understand emotional 13 year old.

May 12th

1 tag

Elevator

Me: Which floor?
Her: OK.
Me: Hand banana.
Her: You too.

May 7th

The New Name

Nobody reads this. I already know that. That said, I hope to someday reach a point where I have an actual career that involves writing in some form or, if things go according to plan, many forms. Kid Bitter is the center piece of that. It’s my rap name. It’s my Twitter name. It’s a character. A persona that I haven’t actually used yet. It’s going to be a YouTube...

May 5th

2 tags

May 5th

2 tags

Watch

Just in case you wanted to know how flat Kenny G’s ass is.

Apr 12th

The Two Types of People Who Listen to House Music

alexwatt: Those who can afford more than one. Those who still live in their parent’s.

Apr 10th

10 notes

1 tag

Watch

jeffrubinjeffrubin: “Winning the Game of School,” is one of the craziest Everything Is Terrible videos I’ve ever seen, and I’ve watched a lot of them. Usually I at least get a sense of why the video exists, but I honestly can’t wrap my brain around who thought this was material worth teaching. Here’s a teaser - “There’s actually a fine art to raising your hand.” Horrible hosts, horrible...

Apr 9th

38 notes

1 tag

Watch

jeffrubinjeffrubin: “Winning the Game of School,” is one of the craziest Everything Is Terrible videos I’ve ever seen, and I’ve watched a lot of them. Usually I at least get a sense of why the video exists, but I honestly can’t wrap my brain around who thought this was material worth teaching. Here’s a teaser - “There’s actually a fine art to raising your hand.” Horrible presenters, horrible...

Apr 9th

38 notes

1 tag

Watch

jeffrubinjeffrubin: “Winning the Game of School,” is one of the craziest Everything Is Terrible videos I’ve ever seen, and I’ve watched a lot of them. Usually I at least get a sense of why the video exists, but I honestly can’t wrap my brain around who thought this was material worth teaching. Here’s a teaser - “There’s actually a fine art to raising your hand.” Horrible presenters, horrible...

Apr 9th

38 notes

1 tag

Watch

jeffrubinjeffrubin: “Winning the Game of School,” is one of the craziest Everything Is Terrible videos I’ve ever seen, and I’ve watched a lot of them. Usually I at least get a sense of why the video exists, but I honestly can’t wrap my brain around who thought this was material worth teaching. Here’s a teaser - “There’s actually a fine art to raising your hand.” Horrible presenters, horrible...

Apr 9th

38 notes

1 tag

Mar 26th

1 tag

Mar 25th

2,615 notes

Mar 19th

286 notes

Mar 19th

592 notes

whip appeal.

frankocean: something to drive, or jog to.

Mar 18th

360 notes

2 tags

Mar 9th

1 tag

Watch

One more week until Community returns an Oscar winner heavier. Eight seasons and a line of Ice Cream Treats!

Mar 8th

2 tags

Mar 8th

2 tags

Visible Children: We got trouble. →

visiblechildren: For those asking what you can do to help, please link to visiblechildren.tumblr.com wherever you see KONY 2012 posts. And tweet a link to this page to famous people on Twitter who are talking about KONY 2012! I do not doubt for a second that those involved in KONY 2012 have great intentions, nor…

Mar 7th

38,288 notes

1 tag

Mar 7th

16,602 notes

1 tag

I Always Wanted To Be Wes Anderson

dcpierson: I’ve thought about Wes Anderson a lot lately. I think there’s a trough, as your age becomes equidistant from Max Fischer and Steve Zissou, where it’s important that you act all better than Wes Anderson. At least, it seems to be an important rite of passage for most of my friends and contemporaries. It was probably most acute for people exactly my age (I’m twenty-seven) who were in...

Mar 2nd

248 notes

1 tag

Feb 29th

DC Pierson: Curiosity And A Feline Christ →

dcpierson: If it’s true curiosity killed the cat, then I suggest we revere that cat as a sort of Christ-figure who died so that we may experience the glory of curiosity in all its bookstore-hopscotching endless-Wikipedia-loop-inspiring glory. Thanks, cat. Because of you I can buy records by the people who…

Feb 16th

135 notes

Watch

collegehumor: Awesome 90s Dancing Nintendo Fruit Snacks Kid TThis is what’s called BG fruit-snack advertising (Before Gushers). If I get to a point in life where I’m grunting “real cool snacks” into a microphone, just end it for me.

Dec 27th

45 notes