Placeholder from Procrastination

The worst.

LARRY KING GETS IT.

collegehumor:

Reporter Labeled “White Ho”

Norah O’Donnell seems to have a bit of a reputation.

Such unprofessional journalism. There is absolutely enough room to fit “The White Whore”.

tmz:

Michael Clarke Duncan, star of such movies as “The Green Mile” and “The Whole Nine Yards,” passed away this morning. He was 54. 

R.I.P.

At this very moment, he’s out-acting me.

What band do you want to see in concert?

Black Sabbath, Metallica, Daft Punk, Childish Gambino, or any formation of OFWGKTA.

anything. Try to insult me and I will do so back. All in good fun unless I think you’re stupid.

Hardly Working: Phantom Misses Sarah (Part 1)

“FLYING IS A MAN’S GAME.”

It’s all downhill from here, Streeter. There’s no topping that.

collegehumor:

Bride Hits Bridesmaid in Face with Bouquet

50 points!

LOVE: NOT WORTH IT.

(Source: College Humor)

Sometimes, life calls for Dilbert. This is one of those times.

In the future, we will all be derp.

Holy Hell, Google

I just want to create a separate YouTube account for something that I want separate from other things, but no. I close out my old account and HEY HEY REMEMBER GOOGLE+? Well, that’s my YouTube account now. NO I CAN’T HAVE ANOTHER ACCOUNT. This is my one and only account now and the more I support Google, the more website they are going to buy to assimilate into a big mass of Google.

I want to love you so bad, Google. Why do you hurt me? I love Reader. I love Search. I love Reader so much that I put it before Search. I love Maps. I love you and you’re just like “Nah, fuck you. One account for you. That’s it. LALALALA CAN’T HEAR YOU, DON’T CARE.” 

I’m making my own tech startup. It’s called Loogie and I hope it never leaves your eyesight. Dicks. 

collegehumor:

Crazy R&B Drummer In Liverpool

Britain: making subway buskers look bad since 1776.

Nobody drops money in his hat for the first two minutes. I’d like to think there’s a crowd of people behind the camera, too awestruck to find money.

SOURCE: Scientists unable to understand emotional 13 year old. 

Elevator

The New Name

Nobody reads this. I already know that. That said, I hope to someday reach a point where I have an actual career that involves writing in some form or, if things go according to plan, many forms. Kid Bitter is the center piece of that. It’s my rap name. It’s my Twitter name. It’s a character. A persona that I haven’t actually used yet. It’s going to be a YouTube channel when I can be arsed to get rid of my old one.

The bullshit part is more important. 

I was once a young boy. I still am and anyone that believes they aren’t at the age of 21 might as well resign themselves to a career in canary watching because they have stuffed themselves so far up their own asses that the slightest twitch will send their entire rectum collapsing into itself. Regardless, I was a young boy and there was something that I didn’t want my father to know.

I can’t tell you what that something was. It was probably something to do with missed homework. I couldn’t tell you. What I can tell you is what my dad said. He looked at me and he said “You can’t bullshit a bullshitter”. He was trying to imply that I couldn’t bullshit him. What he didn’t realize was that he gave me a new life goal.

To become the ultimate bullshitter.

But that’s beside the point. You can’t bullshit a bullshitter. I don’t want to bullshit a single thing in my career. I want everything I get to come from hard work or whatever part of writing jokes or raps or acting like another person comes closest to actually being work. So, whether it’s my tumblr, my Twitter, my stand-up, my rap, my acting, my slacking, or my actions, they’re going to be mine. 

Whatever it is, I’m not going to bullshit that bullshit.

Daves I Know is one of those remnants of my childhood that I never forgot and probably one of the early reasons I started to like comedy. I still recall stumbling upon the Kids at 3am while staying at my grandparent’s house and going WHAT IS THIS AND WHY WASN’T I TAUGHT ABOUT IT IN SCHOOL?

So, I sincerely doubt anyone meaningful to my young humorless self would see this, but if they do, thanks.

(Source: youtube.com)